Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
