i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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