3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
