Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
