I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
