He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
