when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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