Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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