This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
