That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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