I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
