Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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