I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Randomize
