Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I fill condoms, not promises.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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