I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
