I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
