I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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