He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
In other news, I just burned my penis
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
