my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize