i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
