Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
