My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
