Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
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