I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I supernannyed him into submission
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
