I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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