If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
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He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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