Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
