sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
