and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
