Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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