i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
