dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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