Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
