4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
