I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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