She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
