I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
