The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
