Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
