in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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