yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
