Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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