At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
