Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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