puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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