Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
