The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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