Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
