drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
