so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
organizing the empties. That sober.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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