Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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