all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
