My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Randomize
