he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
