Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
