So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
