Pappa wants mamma naked
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
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karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
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She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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