I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
