On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
