Someone shit on the floor
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
