alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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