he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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