the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
