1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
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yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
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You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize