girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
