The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
only you would photoshop your dick
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
