That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
This is my gift to your gina
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
