I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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