Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
