the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
