Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
