Just fell off a train. Bad.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
