I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
