is your mom at the bar?
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
