Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We need to get me chipped asap
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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