4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
