i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
