She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
